


I Didn't Know How to Play The Perm on Day One

by CrazyEyebrows



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-05
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-11-12 05:31:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18004748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrazyEyebrows/pseuds/CrazyEyebrows
Summary: a collection of the most cryptic stories I've written.





	1. Chapter 1

Rogerina sits on the uncomfortable wooden chair attached to her desk.  
  
"Mom seriously I can't believe you won’t let me go to Joe's."  
  
"Roggie baby.." Rogerina looked up with puppy eyes,  
  
"Yeah Momma?" Freeda sat on her daughters desk.  
  
"Light Mommys fag." Rogerina frowned, but did.  
  
Johanna coughed.  
  
"Shut up Ma, you smoke too." Freeda ashed, and Rogerina screamed.  
  
"MOM thats my HOMEWORK."   
  
Brianna laughed a snorty, loud, obnoxious laugh at her sisters dismay. Rogerina stood, and crossed her arms.  
  
"ATLEAST I HAVE A JOB YOU LOWLIFE." She yelled at her sister, and stomped up the stairs.  
  
"SUCKING DICK FOR A COUPLE BUCKS ISN’T A JOB." The upstairs bedroom door slammed.  
  
"Go fucking apologize." Johanna frowned at her granddaughter, who scoffed.  
  
"What? Are you serious? Mom don't make me." Freeda groaned and rubbed at her temple.  
  
"Mommy needs a drink baby. Go apologize. Now." Brianna couldn't believe her incompetent mother, and groaned as she stood.  
  
"Not fucking FAIR." She moped as she went up the stairs. She opened the door, but came to find that her sister was nowhere to be found.  
  
-  
  
"You're.. sure it's fine Gina?" Joe asked for the hundredth time, pushing his girlfriend from his lips once again. Rogerina groaned, then whimpered.  
  
"I fucking promise you my mom has no idea and wouldn't care anyway." She huffs, pulling him close again. Rogerina runs her calloused hand through her boyfriends soft hair, and Joe just sighed against her lips.  
  
Rogerina groans, hand moving lower, and lower, and into Joe's back pocket.  
She grabbed his car keys, pulling away.  
  
"Ohh, a Mustang?" Joe looked baffled.  
  
"Um- yeah? My dad got it for me yesterday."  
  
"Where is it?"  
  
"Garage- Gina? Rog where are you going?" Rogerina rebuttoned her blouse,  
  
"Sorry Megamind, Dominique and I got a date t'night."  
  
"Megamind? Dominique? You're- cheating on me??? Babe! MY CAR!" Rogerina couldn't hear him. She was already in the garage, getting her new prize and driving away.


	2. JohnTable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> he was a boy  
> she was a table  
> can i make it anymore obvious?

Freddie looked... concerned.    
It wasn't the reaction John had hoped for, if he was being completely honest, but it was the one he expected. When you declare your love... It's emotional.   
  
It's so emotional to John, that he started crying. Almost instant, full, disgusting snot faced sobbing that only makes Freddie look that much more concerned.    
  
"... There, there." Freddie tried comforting him, pulling John in close.   
  
"I'm- I'm so sorry," John hiccuped, feeling Freddie's arms wrap around him tightly in a hug. Freddie whispered to him,   
  
"It's okay, It's okay. God, Darling you mustn't cry, really. It just caught me off guard."    
  
They stayed like this for a while, before Freddie gently peeled his body from John's. He sat John down on their small couch, patting his shoulder gently.    
  
"It's... So you're in love..."   
  
"With the kitchen table. Yes." John moved his hands up to his face, digging the palms into his eyes.   
  
"... How...?" Freddie rubbed John's back, and John just sighed.   
  
"I don't know... She's just... the most beautiful thing I've ever met, you know? Her wood is so.. It's a beautiful polish. I love how smooth she is. And then the little divots, she's so natural. She makes me laugh."   
  
They sat in silence for a long moment.   
  
"She makes... you laugh." Freddie questioned, and John nodded.   
  
"She's hilarious. The way she creaks and moans when I-"   
  
"God please, please don't tell me." John laughed a little, and Freddie sighed.   
  
"If you really love it... You can have it, I guess." Freddie grumbled, and John sat up straight. He looked like a four year old boy, getting told he's going to Disney World.   
  
"Really? Fred, are-are you serious? Oh god, please tell me you are!" John stood now, hands brought to his chest.   
  
"Yeah, I fuckin guess." Freddie's hands came up into his hair.   
  
"Oh.. Oh my god, you're serious!" John grinned. "I'll go tell her now!" John scampered off and into the kitchen, leaving Freddie alone.   
  
Freddie lit his cigarette.   
"Jesus Christ."   
  
~•~   
  
He thought this would be the end of it, that John would take the table home, and they'd never have to talk about it again.   
  
When he woke up at 3 in the morning with a need for water, he found that he was wrong.    
  
Quietly, as to not wake up his roommate, (Or worse, Brian, his roommates boyfriend,) Freddie tiptoed out of his room and down the hall. He was stealthy, quickly passing Roger's room where the other three boys lay asleep.   
  
Though he was wrong. It was where, apparently, two of those boys laid.   
As Freddie stepped into the kitchen, he flipped the light switch.   
And screamed.   
Words cannot describe the atrocious in front of him, so Freddie decided to cover his eyes.   
  
"Oh god! We thought you were asleep! I'm so sorry Freddie!" He heard John's voice, and then the familiar zip of a pair of jeans.   
  
"Jesus Christ John! I didn't- Why, why!? WHY IN MY KITCHEN??" John felt that Freddie may be a tad angry with him.   
  
"I'm sorry! It won't happen again! I promise!"   
  
"WHY DID IT HAPPEN IN THE FIRST PLACE???!?!??!" Freddie cried aloud, waking up the blond and his curly haired mate.   
  
"Oi! Whatta fuck is- Oh just you twats." Roger had a baseball bat, though Freddie could confirm he hadn't played the game once.    
  
"Nothing!" John screamed, face red and bangs sticking to his forehead.   
  
"What's all over the table?" Brian inquired, and John's shrieks were nothing short of shrill. "Oh god, is that-"   
  
"PLEASE LEAVE. PLEASE. I'LL CLEAN IT UP-JUST- JUST GO BACK TO BED!" Freddie cried,   
  
"I just wanted hydration TM."


End file.
